I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
