He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize