i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
