before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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