Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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