Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
