I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
