it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
