Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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