You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
