are you still at the devil's house?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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