scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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