shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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