I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
