Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
