Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
