so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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