he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
