Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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