Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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