idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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