Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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