I could have mohawked her pubes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
