my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I deserve to be covered in dicks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
