Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
