Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
