some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
