My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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