found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
