Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
