Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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