so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love you. Go after that dick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
