we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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