Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
