I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
