I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
