I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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