i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize