can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
