We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
