Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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