It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
