What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
