We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
