Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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