Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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