we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
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No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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