i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
