Don't make out with my wife yet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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