i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
