Someone shit on the floor
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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