she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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