is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
