dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
