No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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