these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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