Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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