I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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