$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
