I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's blow job season.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
