My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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