if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
