I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
