So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
