This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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