Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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