I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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