The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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