Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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