Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
