We got so high we made milksteak
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Never underestimate the power of titties
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
