I hate your face
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found puke in my bra..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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