She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
